MuSiC oF mY LiFe

~~Wednesday, July 20, 2005~~

harlowz harlowz harlowz..

Ahem, 1st of all, i'd lyk to thank all u peeps for remembering moi b'day...and i mean ALL of u. =P Thx fish n kel 4 e pressie, thx for wrapping wif so many layers...so kind of u, make me black when i finally open up all...lolx...^^ and its so amusing, kinda got so many pple remb' my b'day...even pple whom i lost their numbers msged or called me...woah..haha..Oh, den must also thx JF for meeting me downstairs jus to pass me a cake..haha..was lyk nt in contact for so long le cos we both bz..den suddenly i jus receive a fone call to go down stairs and meet. LOLx...den reach le still wanna hide e cake..ehz..-_-lll But finally i blew out my candles n stuff and we chatted so long..lolx..

Sorry if u might find wadever below tis line a lil' boring...cos its some of my tots.

Kinda weird feelin 4 a b'day tis yr...weird time to hav a b'day...funny tt so many pple remb'...and feelin tt sth's still missing..lolz...nvm abt tt...sis, sec sch pals n a few still owe me my pressie cos i no time go get frm dem. haha...actually, i dun realli expect anytink from anyone, dun even expect pple to remb...i jus wanna make sure i remb' pple's b'day tt's all..haha..i m weird too..cos i m nt sum1 who luvs big birthday bash or sth lyk tt..prefer nice quality time wif certain pple tt's all...lolz..

Anyway, jus now read jess's blog..was thinking to myself, why everyone wans to grow up...lyk so many pple ard me said, they wished tt they can jus grow up...stop e hassle we are goin thru now..but y nt if we really wanna wish, wish tt we can nv grow up? i miss tt sorta pure innocence days tt i'd had in those days. Studies n goals weren't in my mind...all i wished for during tt time was to be able to be wif my family..loved ones...meet my best pals everyday in sch to slack..go buy erasers and play rubber game...bball...slides...and stuff lyk tt.. with nt any backstabbing, scheming pple, social climbers ard me.

we too, always feel tt pple ard us haf changed, but when hav we really sat down to reflect whether its US that have changed. It might be our stronger character that has emerged, or might hav been so many other reasons...tink abt it...sometimes we dun jus blame the situation we are in or the pple who are involved. Try tinking of y in the 1st place we R stuck in tt situation..haha..

It seems lyk i tink a lil' too much, but i realized tt i m 19 le..gonna hit the digit "2" next yr...tho' i m still gonna be young compared to aunties or uncles, i noe tt i cant be as immature as i used to be. i needa be responsible for my actions and stuff lyk tt. For eg, altho i really really dislike SDAR and all the admin work tt i hav to do, i really learnt alot...from all these...i get to see the true meaning that we really needa tink of cause and effects on certain stuffs cos wad we do might cause many probs to others ...there's the preceding effects on many stuffs in life so we really gotta get serious sometimes. I noe tt i miss the smell n feeling of jus being carefree and not restricted in my area. But i noe tt i need to learn and taste wad i m tasting now someway or another. So jus take it as a training course for me den.

As i haf always noe, we gain sth, we lose sth. I get to lead such a "VIBRANT" sch life, being SO BUSY all e time, i lose time to be wif my pals..regardless whether its outside, or even in sch..i noe i hav been neglecting a whole lot of dem...realli SORRY..i will get my time management rite and spent time wif u all lyk hw i used to be and wan to be. U've got to noe tt me care abt my pals and loved ones more than anytink else in e world..aww...lolz..

last last last tink, also frm blog (realli no offence wan) tt i realized how some categorise pple being in the same boat. To some, being in the same boat means pple whom they clearly see that they are in the same situation, having the same surface probs, realli being in their shoes...den they feel tt they are in the same boat. But to me, it isn't as surface as tt. i m not saying anyone is shallow, everyone has their own stand and tis is hw i feel. haha.. to me, being in the same boat also means goin thru the same ordeal regardless hw much u can sense from us.

Jus to put my pt across better, take tis CT for eg...nu er tinks tt mic n tiff r in the same boat as her cos they r lyk scoring quite poorly when they wanna try hard. But wad abt all of us? We dun seem to be in e same plight as dem? U cant see it upfront doesn't mean tt this same prob doesn't exist for us. Ok, let's c, pple may tink tt we try and we score, so not as if we dun get returns..but honestly, who can really score without putting in more hard work? Do u tink its realli THAT easy for us to score too? The qn paper given to us are all the same...and it means 20% to every1 of us..do u tink tt we dun fear it? Its the 1st time tt i do these subs, same as u all, so its also e 1st trial for us.. ok, wad i m driving at is tt we r all in the same boat even if u cannot see it cos we dun show it. But try to understand tt i haf the same fears as u..i hav the same hopes as u....Apart from those nerds n geniuses...i dun see hw we can try to achieve stuff w/o putting in a reasonable amt of effort...tt's y i m stuggling now too..

And so, relating it to me...pple tink i m smart. No. i m not.
If i m smart, i'dnt hav failed ALL my subs in JC wif Fs on my report card.
If i m smart, i'd hav done wad i wanted to do all these while...
If i m smart, i'd haf probs even tryin to pass...

wad pple see on the surface is tt i score well..is tt even hw hard i put it, i still passed my previous modules...but wad happened in btw..do pple bother? do pple noe? Hw hard i tried to catch up..do they care? they onli see tt i passed and assume tt i m different. Like another of my fren, noe tt i having CT...but duno i realli din listen in class or sth..and i was v bz..den came to ask me hw was i doin, i said" modules v hard, i haven been listening, duno can catch up anot." he said " u so pro, can wan lar." HELLO...i m NT pro! Arghh..i jus try harder than pple...i jus need to score well...many of u duno why.....realli duno why.....i nv told any1...

In short, sometimes we cannot determine and conclude tinks rashly or jus at THE moment for many situations, we needa really try to understand how pple ard us are doin as well. Jess tis is jus an eg tt i take to narrate kkz...dun take it personal...i m jus saying in general...muackz...

sorri to bore u all..i shld be so happy when its my b'day so HAPPY B'DAY to me! haha...(",)

7:47 PM